I have lots to write about, but am reluctant..sitting at my kitchen table looking out upon the destruction that was Winter and the further destruction of habitats by man…I wonder vaguely what will the outcome be…I feel I can do no more to stop this terrible violence, against animals and nature.
Some days have passed…though I still seek her… and her light is absent from our lives…mother spirit blessed us with a ceding..though my rant did not terrify her..she granted us a portal… through to spirit..an invitation to participate, become one..with- all that is.. primordially…let it be…
An interjection occurred..a twist of convolution…of unimaginable proportions…unworthy or not, beyond karma..beyond human efforts or mortal efforts or cleaving…and an offer made…of awesome proportions…
and I lay my burdens at her feet.. great and beautiful Sophia/ Sapphire
now one with and in each other
my eyes to see
ny ears to hear
and my lips to utter
With leaden grey landscape and heart.. I seek her out, the little fairy of lovelight.. across the polished floors she would suddenly scamper… and halt.. to a skid…and look around.. bemusedly..
stopping and staring for hours at things only she could see
found only by the fleeting radiance her movement created… bringer of light, sunbeam arouser..
seeker of beams..instigator of heart arousal.. lifting all and sundry with her joygene..
grey skys in the barrenness of her passing, rain , unceasing, mother nature washes the traces of her joy
and my tears and even the tears of the trees and the plants..unify in this knowing of the loss to the planet..
of a precious and ethereal angel’s short passage…
She is one
but more than one
she is all love, all light all joy
all that is , all that was.
and all that will be…
Mother spirit, your ‘lessons’ are abhorrent to me and mine.I reject you now, and I reject your cruelty…
I no longer trust that you know ‘best’
you dont know much…
Savage bitch on the rampage, go elsewhere, dive into one of your own volcanoes
we are with the business of loving
you do not belong here, you strident death mongering whore..
Yesterday, I searched high and low for the spirit of the passed one…tracing her footsteps…watching what she watched…being her, as if I could bring her back in that way…
When I could not, and the depth of the loss of her filled my soul and heart, I fell to the ground…and a howl emitted from deep inside of me.. uncontrolled, out of e, yet not of me, but also of me..the howl turned itself into a melody, of sorts, and it became a fairy song… high pitched and low.. long and deep, like the sea in all its movements..stormy and rough…gutteral and otherworldly…long and constant…ancient and new…reverbrating through all frontiers and all dimensions….
I had entered ‘keening’…somewhere through the Akashics, an ancient memory became became ignited…and came forth.. a vehicle of lament presented itself…I entered , with gratitude…suddenly owning my Irishness.. my connection with mother earth and my heritage all at once..
What followed was strange…all the cats suddenly ran to me.. biting and fighting eachother to be the closest to the body of mine that was travelling in this new vehicle.. they held my body.. every single one of them held a part of me..and I realised unity…all of us.. together as one.. embracing death…and integrating life at the same time..
Together, we will get through this…Sapphire’s gifts…were and are endless…The barren land remaining after her passing now hold melody and a new vibration of interconnectnedness and an invitation to explore where we had not traveled before…
Sweet sweet angel- forever merged with the Light..
yesterday, July 19, Sapphire, a tiny little cat, aged five…died…
She was the light of my life, having survived immersion in petrol aged just a few weeks, and reared in my top pocket for the first 12 months of her life while the petrol fumes continued to seep from her…she learned to walk..and to fly… her massive eyes would see what mine could not and the little ghosts , she pursued, delighted in her chases…
Her eyes, were emerald green and deep blue…massively beautiful and full of awe…she was fast as lightening.. bright, curious and well able to stand her round and even confront much bigger cats..and dogs…whenever I looked at her, my heart lifted to the highest spiritual realms…and in her, I saw God..
A few hours before she died, she suddenly looked up, above my head and slightly to my left and her eyes opened magnificently, the pupil fully dilated with just a tiny ring of green surrounding it, and a massive white light reflected from those eyes…she saw something truly beautiful…
And today, I wonder if she managed to capture what I always had when I looked at her… her soul essence… her God self…who knows?
She struggled in pain for some hours afterwards…when she did depart, she looked quite shocked…there will never be another Sapphire…I am already missing her terribly… the house of animals is ever so quiet… death has visited us again this year… and carried away our greatest treasure..